Effects and Symptoms of Trauma

 For many years as I went through abuse, and even afterwards part of me just shut down. I wasn’t really ignoring what was going on, though I say it that way at times, because explaining or thinking about how, why, this or that isn’t easy and sometimes my mind goes blank. My brain knows better than to speak about something that will likely trigger my body to react and feel as if the abuse is happening all over again. Or I would simply just smile and talk about something positive, avoiding any talk that could possibly trigger me.

These are the effects of Trauma, and symptoms of PTSD.

The new saying I keep hearing lately, the  “ it’s funny, but not funny haha” comes to mind when I’m thinking about how it all happened. I got a restraining order against my ex and thought, YES I’m free! Yes I was free, but then things unraveled before my eyes. I was stalked, harassed, more things started even after he was out of the house and I was suddenly facing my emotions and how little I actually addressed them before. Anxiety came around each corner it seemed, reading a book, hearing something, smelling something, a show on tv, conversations or even tones of voices, pretty much hyper-sensitive to many things. I had done a good job hiding emotions while he was in the house, but afterwards it seemed like a new survival mode kicked in. I was reacting to things that weren’t happening, anticipating someone’s next move and expecting one thing but getting another. It was pretty eye opening to me. It was the first time I realized how much I had been conditioned. It was also very scary. It was almost as if I didn’t have control over how I responded , words would come out, fear would seep in. It felt like I was trapped in my own body , a major disconnection was happening.

I knew what was going on in the moment, but my brain was triggered by something, whatever it may have been, and immediately responded as if something bad was happening. 

The brain protects the body when it needs too, I know this now. Looking back there’s so many moments that I understand fully and am thankful for my brain doing what it needed to do, but at the same time I wish I had known what “trauma” was.

Survival mode now means something to me.

A decade ago I wouldn’t have been able to tell you it was anxiety, or even a trauma response, I would just be like “ oh, ha silly me” now though if I were to notice myself in “ response mode” to anything, a thought, conversations, or situation I know how to  re-regulating my thoughts and take control of the moment again.

It’s not an easy process, as the brain responds/reacts within seconds, whether there is actual trauma happening or it’s a trigger ( which the brain/body responds too as IF it IS happening, even though it is not) your brain is going to try and protect you.

We learned a bit about the different kinds of Trauma, the Effects and Symptoms of Trauma in class this past weekend, which is why I shared my own experiences, as I’ve been through it. This week I’ve been reflecting back on myself through the years as I’m learning now more than ever what I needed back then, but somehow did some of it myself. Take yoga for instance.

When I stepped on the mat, nothing else mattered, I set everything aside and kept it “ off the mat” so to speak. Meaning there was no thinking about laundry, or what’s for dinner. It was me and the mat.

 I was focused on breathing and moving my body, aware of my pain and how I needed to move carefully. It was on the mat that I regained clarity and suddenly realized how little I was aware of my body and emotions off the mat. While I had physical goals, it was also mentally uplifting. I hadn’t realized what it was I had started, but now as I reflect I know that through that movement, through the breathing and the reconnecting to how I was feeling both in my mind and body I started to heal parts of me that were hidden away due to trauma.

The clarity that I was gaining on the mat helped me in the following years when things got worse, and made me stronger mentally to stand up for myself and my kids. I’m here now because I did that work, I’m typing and speaking about this all now because I found a way to start healing through the inner work I did on the mat.

Trauma Informed Yoga has been shown to significantly reduce the symptoms of PTSD ( living proof here) Yoga itself helped me start re-building those mind/body connections I needed in order to move forwards. I am so very grateful for the information I am learning and can’t wait to share more, even teach you a bit along the way! 

If you would like to learn more about my experiences and how I started my healing journey you can follow along with me here on the blog, or catch me on my socials. I will be sharing what I’m learning in the 80hr Somatic Yoga Teacher Training for Mental Health course, (you can read more about that here) weekly as well as in the furture adding more actaully yoga content and some mindfulness practices. Previous writings about my journey can be found on my home page towards the bottom in the ” Yoga” Section. 

Thank you for visiting and I hope you enjoy your day! 

* Disclaimer* This is my personal blog where I share my personal experiences and what I have learned, The information contained in this blog article is not intended to be a replacement for mental health care. If you are experiencing a mental health crisis please reach out to your local mental health resources *